i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
