I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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