farters have to be the big spoon...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
