I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
