I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
