what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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