At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
