How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
