i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
