im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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