i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
