So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
