My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
