It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
