Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
