the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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