That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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