I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
