Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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