What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
