i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Help. Why am I so naked?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
