I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
