Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
