i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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