I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
