Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
