we have officially lost it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
