and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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