her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
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i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water