I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
