And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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