Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
