Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
