"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
