I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Panties = found
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