If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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