I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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