i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
