and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
