actually, I'm a sock model
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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