His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
