he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dear god my vagina.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
