His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
babies were throwing up all over the place
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
