At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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