i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
