i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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