My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
