Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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