Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
two words: eviction party
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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