Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
