I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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