So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
