youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
