Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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