no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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