Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
