nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
