fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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