Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Too much gin, very little bucket
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals