You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you