dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
