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• (905): View more from Toronto

  Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

  Fav 31 982 8836

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (718): View more from New York

  He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.

  Fav 16 7177 1396

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.

  (1+61): View more from

  Dude, you're not even gay.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.

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• (424): View more from California

  Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?

  (310): View more from California

  "Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.

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