Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
