We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dating After Heartbreak
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.