I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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