somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s