dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".