Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had