i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
