I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it glows. i had to have it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
