I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
